Welcome Back!
Happy Valentine’s Day, ladies! I pray that you woke up today with a huge reminder of how much God loves you, today and every day!
I’m so glad we’re spending this day together, and I hope you’re enjoying it too. Now that we’re on the back end of this study with just a couple of weeks left, I want you to focus on one thing for me: finishing! We all started this journey towards biblical beauty together; I want us all to finish together too! You may be tempted to skip your homework. You might want to move on to something new. You might just want to take a break. But – don’t! Don’t give up, and don’t let Satan lure you off track. Just because we’re not meeting in person doesn’t meet we’re not accountable to each other! So, ladies, let’s finish just as strongly as we started!
Week Four Video: The Irritating Woman
Well, there’s a battle going on, isn’t there? 3C Syndrome vs. 3B Speech. Crabby, contentious, and complaining vs. building, benefiting, and blessing. How do we make sure we’re on the winning side? Let’s listen to Laurie as she digs deeper into the truth about the Irritating Woman! (Click one of the images below for this week’s FREE online video lesson).
Beauty by the Book: Week Four (The Irritating Woman) – Listening Guide: Pg. 83
Beauty by the Book for Teens: Week Four (The Irritating Woman) – Listening Guide: Pg. 83
Reflecting:
If marriage is a mirror into your faults and shortcomings, then parenthood is a magnifying glass! Especially when it comes to your inner Irritating Woman. So younger girls, it’s awesome that you’re learning to conquer your inner Irritating Woman now rather than waiting until you become a wife and mom someday. Your future husband and children will thank you!
I grew up in a house with five children. We were a mixed family blended together as a result of two widows coming together under God’s gift of new beginnings. It was a wonderful family, but seriously, five children! It was a constant ball of chaos!
So whenever our mom would have her irritating woman moments (which I can completely relate to now that I have children), I’m ashamed to admit that us kids had a little tune that we hummed to each other behind her back, and it went like this:
You recognize that tune, don’t you! It’s the theme song for the Wicked Witch of the West, or Almira Gulch as she was known in Kansas. For me, Miss Gulch is the epitome of the Irritating Woman, and this theme song fits her perfectly! Can’t you just hear this irritating little tune echoing in your ears every time an Irritating Woman surfaces? I know I do! But now, I don’t hear it when others are being irritating; I hear it when I am being irritating.
One of the first times I knew I had allowed my inner Irritating Woman to surface came just a few months after I was married. I was in the middle of complaining to my new husband about something when he interrupted me mid-sentence and said, “Wow, I feel drunk!” I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about until he continued. “It must be all of the whine you’re serving me!”
Ouch.
Since then, I try (not always successfully) to keep my conversations “non-alcoholic” – no whine allowed. But I really love the way Laurie simplifies the solution to avoiding the Irritating Woman: practice 3B speech! Choose words that build, benefit, and bless others. I find I have much more success when I focus on choosing 3B words rather than avoiding 3C words.
So now, any time I hear first few notes of Miss Gulch’s theme song ringing in my ears, I try to remember 3B speech!
What about you? Did you relate to the irritating woman like I did? I can’t wait to read your comments!
Let’s Chat!
In the comments, answer one or more of the following discussion questions: (Remember, answer a “Let’s Chat” question every week and you’ll receive a beautiful Beauty by the Book charm at the end of our study!)
- How do you deal with your need to nag and control others? (BBB – ques. 3a, p. 79) Did you nag God this week instead of nagging someone else and, if so, how did it benefit and bless you? How did it benefit and bless your relationship with those you were tempted to nag?
- What unjust circumstances or problems do we, at times, experience that is similar to those the daughters of Zelophehad faced? Did their struggle remind you of any struggles you’ve faced? How did their example encourage you to respond to injustice?
To Do This Week – Week Five:
- Complete the five days of homework in your workbook.
- Beauty by the Book: pgs. 84-106
- Beauty by the Book for Teens: pgs. 84-105.
- Watch the Week Five video and complete your Listening Guide.
- Beauty by the Book: (Week Five Listening Guide: p. 107)
- Beauty by the Book for Teens: (Week Five Listening Guide: p. 107)
- Hop online again starting next Tuesday, Feb. 21, to discuss The Captivating Woman
Check the blog a little later for a special Valentine’s Day card from my kiddos as well as for the winner of the V-day giveaway of Who Has Your Heart!
Loving you through the One who IS love,
Related Posts: Intro Week, Week One, Week Two, Week Three, Week Five, Week Six
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Priority Ministries
Emily Ryan
Laurie Cole
Jan Hart
I work in a very busy, BUSY office. I find myself nagging others because “I think” they are not working hard enough to assist our clients and move on to the next client waiting in line. This week truly convicted me of that need to nag. I am learning to pray (without ceasing at times) for the patience I need to not nag those working the front office and to remember that we don’t all work at the same speed. I am also trying to form a habit of bringing my concerns/complaints to God in prayer and ask Him for forgiveness. Today was a better day. I was go up to the front office, see a long line of clients waiting to apply for benefits and pray for God’s strenght as I helped decrease the numbers in those lines. I am also reading a book by Joyce Meyer right now and the combination of her book and this study are teaching me to be careful of my speech with others. I need to remember that someone else might be having a bad day and they need to hear words of encouragement from me…not words to bring them down further.
Yes, that always helps to remember that you don’t know where another person is coming from. I remember being griped out by a client once (in the finance industry) because she thought I did not word something in a sensitive manner, and she was overly sensitive to the situation. Well, it happened to be the week after I’d had a 2nd trimester miscarriage and I knew I didn’t have my usual “charm” turned on. There’s no way the client could have known what I had just been through, but I know she would have cut me some slack had she known. I always try to remember that now, only I remind myself that the other person could have been through some very difficult valley, and I need to treat them with respect and with God’s kindness.
#1. Until this weeks study I had never really realized how much of a “Control freak” I really am. What I always excused as “independence” is really control issues. I don’t nag and whine. Thankfully my mother nipped that in the bud when I was a small child. However, I am very demanding of myself and those around me. I have lived alone for 22years which means I have had all the authority in my life and home. Now through this study [the second time through] I get it. I see my inner Irritating Woman. This week I found myself praying a lot. It really felt wonderful to know that I was taking my issues to a higher power and letting go of the authority. I don’t have to be the woman with all the “right” answers. I don’t have to make all the final decisions. As I went through the past week, my work life seemed easier too. As I let go and let God take control a huge burden was lifted from me. All aspects of my life became easier. The people around me became easier to communicate with as well. Thank you Lord for finally getting through to me that I have been an Irritating Woman. Thank you for this study. I really needed it at this point in my life.
Thanks for sharing, Trenda. I agree that it’s harder for women with an independent streak to know where to draw the line between being strong and being demanding. I pray God continues to help us both see how to change our independence into dendence on Him!
I nag people all day at work….I even nag at myself, and yes I even nagged at God. This nagging has got to stop….I found myself stopping in mid sentence; trying to avoid nagging. I may need to do this study again and again.
I’m sure we could all benefit from repeating this study in the future! It’s a lot to take in all at once!
This week has been an awakening for me. I realize that while I repeat my position so I think another understands me, to them, it comes across as nagging or complaining, and ultimately controlling.
Be silent, quiet, thoughtful b4 speaking, then when I have something important, I’ll probably have the trust and respect to get it.
That’s a great way to put it. I’m sure that silence can help us when it comes to saying things just once.
I hate to admit this but I do nag my hubby more than I should…but I am alot better than when we married 40 years ago!! I nagged to God instead of the hubby and we had a very pleasant week and lots of laughs…that is a benefit! I think I will continue this mode of communication!
It is amazing how less nagging can make for a much more pleasant marriage, isn’t it?!
I tried very hard this week to avoid the 3Cs and did a pretty good job with it. Both my husband and I have been sick with terrible chest colds. Usually when I am sick, my husband accuses me of “wollowing”. I know I am usually doubly demanding when I am feeling my worst. So this week, I tried to remember that such a negative attitude only brings me down further, never picking him up in the least. So I made a point of building my husband up, being extra thankful for his working together with me, as well as extra appreciative and less demanding of our only child, a 12 year old girl with the immune system of an ox apparently.
Nevertheless, every night I thanked God for showing me the blessings of not being an irritating woman, and I’m sure my family did the same!
Wow! To conquer the inner irritating woman AND be sick at the same time… You win the prize!
Let’s face it…no one likes to be nagged!! I try to stop and listen to myself…if I find myself repeating something about three times, it turns into nagging. And it’s even more exhausting when I find that I am repeating myself…(especially if you have teenagers…GEE!) No one wants to live with an irritating mom,etc., so I try very hard not to nag my teenage son. We can take anything to the Lord, even our complaints as He can handle them. And let there be peace in the household!!
Yes, I remember how much nagging turned me off when I was a teenager too. I only pray I’ll remember that when my kids are teenagers. I know it’s hard not to nag them, especially when you know best. As they get older, you have to give them more and more opportunities to do things without your motherly reminders. The benefit is that their future spouses will thank you one day if they learn to do things on their own without the nagging!
I think the one thing I love about this week’s wor is that it really gives us an opportunity to look at ourself. Be honest with ourselves. I have seen the controlling side of me, the prideful side and in this blog I saw some traits unfold as I read the comments. I understand not ever wanting to be wrong and I loved the husband who told his wife she was giving him too much whine. I thoroughly understand injustice. I learned about it at an early age and so I know there are times to be silent and pray. Let the Lord fight that battle because it may be too big for me. I have also come to learn there are times when we think we have turned things over to God and have not fully don so. Instead of nagging, I retreat, talk to God about expectations and wait to see what (and how) the blessings will descend and descend more abundantly than what I imagine. God is really so~~~~~~Awesome. he gives us a chance to catch that vision. This online study is also away to be blessed by learning some things we probably should have learned earlier but now they are in full view and the good thing is we are learning it together.
Love your mindset! Thanks for the encouragement!
In reading the comments here, I had a revelation. My husband calls it “running around the tree again” – but it is nagging, pure and simple. It isn’t always related to something that needs to be done around the house, thankfully, but nagging is nagging. One of the major things the Lord impressed on my heart this week was to watch my tone of voice with my family. We often use “that tone” with those closest to us. We’d never dare use it on the boss. But we need to treat those closest to us with more kindness and courtesy than we show the world. They are the ones who will be with us for the long haul. They shouldn’t be expected to put up with our bad temper just because they are stuck with us.
“Running around the tree again!” That’s classic. I guess it wouldn’t be a bad thing as long as that tree we’re running around is the cross?!
This week’s study has been very convicting, I need to stop being the irritating woman I find myself to be and start trusting God.
I have been nagging a lot this week, and this week’s study is very convicting. Sometimes, I nag about myself, but most of the time it’s about others that bug me; and I know it has to stop. I think even a time or two this week I nagged to God. With all this nagging, I didn’t see any blessings from God and the people I nagged to. In fact, nagging about others to others made my relationships seem to get further apart rather than closer to each other. So I know I really need to start using the 3Bs rather than the 3Cs.
I am a bit of a Type A personality and I can be Controlling, Overbearing, Demanding, Blunt, etc…. etc…. especially if I care about someone like my child, my siblings, etc… & I feel I can save them the heartache of making a mistake that I have already gone through. My mistakes cause Growth in a person. I don’t want to be viewed as a Miss Know It All, but I know that is how it comes across at times. I must always remind myself on my tone when speaking and to think about how my words will be received not so much how I mean them. I may mean them in one way which is purely harmless to me, but my words may be received by the Hearer completely different than intended. I tend to shun away from Nags & complainers and I certainly must stay in prayer than I don’t become that Irritating Woman no one wants to be around.
I would hear my husband say I was nagging and I would say no I am just asking you to do something. Well this weeks lesson has helped me to see what he means and I have been try to use the 3 B’s more. I have been talking more to God when I have the urge to be in control and take over.
I am a quiet introverted person and honestly I thought that this week wouldn’t apply to me as much as other weeks. I love God so much. He takes all that and says, “Oh but my daughter I can show you more than you thought.” He has shown me that in my silence I am passive aggressive and that is part of the irritating woman, also. He is teaching me that every day we have the power of curses or blessings. Not just in what we say but also in how we act. I want to pass blessings on to my family, friends, co workers and employees.
I tend to become overcommitted, that is definately a precursor to becomming an irritating women. I want to please the Lord, so I add more and more stuff on my plate. In the end I displease God with my moody,irritating womenhood. It is very hard to balance our lives and live in true wisdom.
That is soooo true! Being overcommitted can lead to being an irritating woman… Such wisdom!
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Often times, I don’t say things to people at work, but go home and complain about it. God convicted me of that, this week. I may not be nagging people at work directly, but I let it get to me and then let it spill over at home. I was also convicted of inwardly nagging about my husband, when he actually had done nothing wrong. God reminded me that it’s not just about my outward attitude, but also my heart-titude.
I’m trying not to bring that kind of junk home too!
My biggest struggle: I have a horrible confession to make, I allowed my 9 year old granddaughter to push me to be the most irritating woman (nana) I believe I have ever been in my life. I knew what the fallout would be , but I did not care. I lost all control. I have been struggling with this outburst and asking for God’s forgiveness as well as hers for a long time and it still ways so heavy on my heart. I saw how an irritating woman hurts and disrepects others in a way that, Now, when I even think about becoming that woman I walk away from the situation and pray for God’s wisdom. Thanks to this bible story.
2. Did their struggle remind you of any struggles you’ve faced? How did their example encourage you to respond to injustice?
I pray God restores his relationship!
#1 Most of the time I try to control others but lately I have been working on it. Now, instead of trying to control others, I try to pray and ask God for help.Yes, I argued less this week. By doing this, I did not hurt my relationships with friends and family.
Less arguing = success!
I love the drunk on “whine “analogy! Easy to see the visual when speaking to my husband! Man!! I am learning that the timing of my speech is everything. If the Holy Spirit doesn’t prompt, it doesn’t need to be said. I am trying to pray more often for God to hold my tongue when I feel the urge to pour out the 3 Cs!!!!
Thanks Andrea! The visual helps me too!
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I live a pretty solitary life, so I don’t really have anyone around to nag, but I am disabled and find I don’t feel I have a lot of control over situations and circumstances in my life, so I get very frustrated about things and feel the nagging nature going on in my head and really wish I had more control over things. I have to work very very hard on renewing my mind when these thoughts start to fill my head because I get a crummy attitude and I’m not very pleasant to be around.
Yes, I agree that you can nag yourself too! “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor. 10:5
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