Welcome Back!
I’m so happy to be chatting with you again, friends! Just last week, I was helping out at our ministry expo at church and met a beautiful young lady. Guess what – she’s doing this study with us!! I know that all of us will never meet face-to-face this side of heaven, but it sure was fun to put a face with a name in this case! I feel like we’re all becoming somewhat of a little small group after all, despite the barriers of time and distance. Praise God for technology!
This week marks the half-way point in our study, and I’m so thankful you’re continuing on your journey to becoming a biblically beautiful woman! We’ve got a long way to go, but praise God, we’ve come so far already!
Week Three Video: The Indiscreet Woman
Did you discover, like I did, as you did your homework this week that there’s more to discretion that you originally thought? Apparently, discretion is not just about what you say, but how you say it and when you say it. Ouch! Let’s listen to Laurie as she teaches us more about becoming women of discretion. (Click one of the images below for this week’s FREE online video lesson).
Beauty by the Book: Week Three (The Indiscreet Woman) – Listening Guide: Pg. 61
Beauty by the Book for Teens: Week Three (The Indiscreet Woman) – Listening Guide: Pg. 61
Reflecting:
Discretion. “A woman who is beautiful but lacks discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s snout” (Prov. 11:22). I couldn’t resist. I needed a visual for this verse:
Attractive, right?
For me, this lesson on discretion came at just the right time. I needed a discreet reminder to get me back on track. I’ve always tried to be a woman of discretion. I don’t share secrets when something is told to me in confidence. I try to choose my words to my kids carefully. I’m learning that listening to gossip is just as destructive as repeating it. And I’m seeing how true it is that “misery loves company” and am trying to be cautious about friendly “venting,” if you know what I mean.
But there’s one area where I have a hard time, and that’s in the timing of when I talk to my husband, Jason. We’re supposed to be one, right? We’re not supposed to have any secrets, ever. And I should be completely honest at all times…
We’ve been married for 8 years and I’m still trying to figure this one out. I like to talk. A lot. I like to dream out loud and ramble on and on and share whatever is on my mind whenever it’s on my mind. But there’s that pesky issue of “timing” that I haven’t quite mastered. If something happens, I want to tell my husband as soon as he walks in the door from work. (Actually, I want to call him at work and completely interrupt his day with trivial things like the vacuum cleaner breaking, but at least I’ve learned not to do that… much). But there’s an element of becoming a discreet woman that dictates that you pay just as much attention to when and how you say something as you do to what you say.
Ladies, that is my pig.
A few years ago, Jason and I established a 10pm rule in our house. We do NOT talk after 10pm. Now, that doesn’t mean we don’t talk at all, of course, it just means that we put all “serious” conversations on hold until we can discuss them at a time when we’re both alert, awake, and able to communicate most effectively. Just that one little rule has helped our marriage tremendously. (Yes, it was Jason’s idea, and yes, I fought it at first. It’s my pig, after all. But he was right, and don’t you tell him I said that either!). 
So, what does the indiscreet woman in me want to do – cram it all in at 9:42! I am learning… slowly… and thankfully with Laurie’s insights into discretion, to listen more closely to the Holy Spirit’s prompting for the right timing when I talk to people.
So, that’s my pig, ladies – timing. What is yours? Gossip? Put-downs? Tone of voice? Sarcasm? Yelling? Praise God, He can cure it all!
Let’s Chat!
In the comments, answer one or more of the following discussion questions: (Remember, answer a “Let’s Chat” question every week and you’ll receive a beautiful Beauty by the Book charm at the end of our study!)
- What do you find more difficult: listening to the Holy Spirit when He says, “Don’t say it; it’s wrong!” or listening when He says, “Don’t say it now; it’s not the right time”? Why?
- What’s your pig? In what areas of your life do you need a good dose of discretion?
- How did the scriptures you studied from Proverbs about discretion and prudence speak to you? What practical insights did you gain from them to apply to your life and relationships with others? (BBB – ques. 5, pg. 48; BBBT – ques. 5, pg. 47)
To Do This Week – Week Four:
- Complete the five days of homework in your workbook.
- Beauty by the Book: pgs. 62-82
- Beauty by the Book for Teens: pgs. 62-81.
- Watch the Week Four video and complete your Listening Guide.
- Beauty by the Book: (Week Four Listening Guide: p. 83)
- Beauty by the Book for Teens: (Week Four Listening Guide: p. 83)
- Hop online again starting next Tuesday, Feb. 14, to discuss The Irritating Woman
Thanks again for a wonderful week together, ladies! Congrats on making it half-way through our study! Prayers for you all this week!
Related Posts: Intro Week, Week One, Week Two, Week Four, Week Five, Week Six
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Priority Ministries
Emily Ryan
Laurie Cole
Jan Hart
God is showing me this week that discretion is not just in what I say and how and when I say it, but that discretion goes out to all areas of my life. In the decisions I make,the friendships I have, what I do with my spare time and how I manage my money. I also, need to work on speaking up when the Holy Spirit is prompting me. I don’t like to step on toes or hurt anyone’s feelings, so I tend to be quiet when I know He wants me to say something. Just this week I have an issue with one of my workers at church that I need to talk with her about tomorrow. My stomach is all in knots and I just want to avoid it. I know that for the good of our ministry and our kids that I need to take care of this. I am praying for wisdom and discernment on what and how to speak with her. I also pray that the Lord will prepare her heart to receive what I have to say. Thank you so much for this bible study. It came at just the right time. Just like the Lord!
Angela, I’m praying with you! The Lord will grow you both through this experience. May you feel His peace.
Praying for your difficult conversation today!
My pig? My mom is currently recovering from a stroke while living at my home. I am there with her unless I’m working. My brother shows up for maybe a couple hours each evening and a few hours on the weekend. He goes about his life like nothing has changed, while I feel I have to ask his permission to go the church on Sundays and meet my lady friends for dinner or a movie. It has been really hard for me to be descreet because I find myself wanting to complain to my mom and smart-mouth my brother. I have tried very hard this week to be more discreet and to take my concerns and complaints to God, praying this He will guide me and give me wisdom regarding this season in our lives. My priority is my Mom and I feel my brother should make her a priority too. But, I do need a break sometimes to refresh myself. This study has been a real eye-opener…and the much needed break in the week I so desperately need. Thank You God!
Deborah, I can only imagine how difficult this situation is. I pray God will give you 1) the patience and servant’s spirit needed to help your mom, and 2) the correct words and precise timing to express your need for help to your brother. I pray he receives your concerns openly.
Thank you, Emily, for your prayers. I appreciate them so very much. God bless you.
#3. This is my second time around at this study and I can see how God has made improvements in me already. I’m not perfect at being discreet, but I’m far better than I use to be. I don’t anger easily. I don’t tell all. I heed the advice of my elders and the wise. However, I can still be fooled by lies at times. I don’t always have good sense about things. I don’t always hide from evil or sin.
A few years ago when I first completed this study I was anything but discreet. I think God knew I needed this study then and now. Last year I thought I had met the man of my dreams. He seemed to be the man God intended me to marry and we were engaged last July. As time passed I came to realize this man was not who he presented himself to be. [I was fooled by his lies and so was my family.] I now can admit that there were signs that something was wrong with the relationship, but I was blinded by the dream of finally being a bride at 40 years old. [I did not use my good sense. I was driven by personal greed.] I have always said I will never live with a man before marriage. However, I allowed myself to be talked into doing just that even though I knew it was wrong. [I did not hide from evil or sin.] Last month the relationship ended. I finally turned to God and asked for his guidance and wisdom. He gave me a sense of peace and calm. He lead me to do the right thing and end the relationship with this man. I can without a doubt say that I know I finally did the right thing. I am 100% back on God’s path for me.
Maturing as a Christian woman is not easy, but when you get it right and follow the instruction of the Lord it is an incredible feeling.
Wow, God is really working on you right now, isn’t He? Bless you for making difficult choices. I pray God will honor those right choices and that you will experience the peace and joy of living in His will!
It is much more difficult for me to listen to the Holy Spirit when He says, “Don’t say it now; it’s not the right time”. I do not like leaving things up in the air, I hate to-do lists that are not crossed off in one day, and I definitely do not like having to wait to inform someone of my opinion. I have come to notice with this weeks study that I fall into the temptation of allowing my feelings to dictate when I should speak. Anxiety that it must be fixed now because I do not want to think about it any longer, frustration that I will not get to say what I want, and fear that the right decision will not be made. All these things are not from God and the Holy Spirit has convicted me this week that I need to do things God’s way and not my way, especially not directed by my fleeting and seemingly overwhelming feelings during a time of decision.
I’ve come to discover a pattern – when I “get something off my chest,” I usually feel really great having said it, but the other person feels bad. Then I feel bad because they feel bad and I’m right back where I started. There’s that burden that you transfer to someone else when you speak too quickly. I guess the key is learning how to transfer that burden to God and not to another person.
I would definitely have to admit that my biggest problem is not waiting on the right time to tell someone something. This comes mostly in our ministry as missionaries with new Christians. There is so much to learn and I want them to learn it ALL and change their lives in just a short time. I need to wait on the Holy Spirit and His leading as to when the time is right for that person to hear it.
I understand! It’s the same way when I deal with my kids. I have to remember their age and level of understanding when we talk about God. I can’t jump into the Trinity or sanctification just yet. For now, it’s “Jesus loves you. He can forgive your sins.” The door for more detailed conversations will open in God’s timing.
Talking to much, need I say more. Pray for me to have more discretion in this area of my life..
Will do!
1.What do you find more difficult: listening to the Holy Spirit when He says, “Don’t say it; it’s wrong!” or listening when He says, “Don’t say it now; it’s not the right time”? Why? I have been thinking a lot about this question since it was posted yesterday. I think for me it is harder to listen to the Holy Spirit when He tells me not to say something, not just delay saying it.
I feel like I am still a new Christian, even after 11 years. The more I learn, the more I realize how much I do not know. And yet when I feel the movement of the Holy Spirit, I still sometimes resist and do what I think is best. Of course, I am ALWAYS wrong. You’d think I would learn! I guess I am, slowly, but surely. I have been making a more concerted effort to seek first God’s glory in what I say and do, so hopefully I will find it easier to obey the Holy Spirit, even when I am itching to say what is on my mind.
The more I learn, the more I realize how much I have to learn too!
I find that to be so true. This is my second time going through this study and I am enjoying sharing in this venue. We can see so many of the same thought and insights into ourselves. I have worked on the discression and I understand why it is necessary but many times I have questions as to why the actions that call for discression. I have learned that God is truly in control of all things and if we are quiet in some areas, he will correct and straighten out problems. If we are always talking and reacting we can’t hear what God has to say. I love this particular study because it really causes me to look at me from a woman’s stand point and let God reveal to me what I need to see within me. {He knows already} This format gives us an area to speak the conviction and plan for change. I thought the PIG PIC was cute and a clear reminder to watch my language, tone and intent so I am not the PIG with the gold ring. Let the Spirit Lead!
My pig would be even after almost 32 years of marriage I have in my mind since Mike and I are best friends, and he knows me better than anyone I can tell him everything even if it shouldn’t be said, what I’m feeling when someone hurts me, what I’m feeling when I’m not appreciated, what I think of someone at work that does something that bothers me. I have seen that it’s almost taking him for granted. He listens, and listens well but I have learned that really I need to cry out to God first, seek His thoughts, His mindset, His desires for my heart before I dump all this on to my husband. I found in so doing it was like dumping alot of trash in his lap, not really wanting him to do anything but listen but it always seemed that my venting was so counterproductive, it really wasn’t useful, beneficial and it was uncaring on my part for my husband. The Lord has helped me to see gaining His perspective and then sharing what the Lord taught through a situation with Mike can build our relationship with strength and not taking the other for granted.
Joanie, I’m trying so hard to learn this lesson! It’s definitely a tough one!!
I need discretion at work, I have been told my voice is too harsh..so I need to tone it down. Of course I don’t think my voice is harsh, it’s more direct and to the point. I have been speaking in this tone for years. I guess now that it has been brought to my attention, I need to change.
Prayers for you! There is a fine line between direct and harsh, isn’t there?
Something else I learned this week studying the indiscreet woman: Others look at me and see how I speak, dress, and conduct myself in the presence of others. This is a reflection on our Father. I must be more mindful that I am representing Jesus and our Father and take these lessons to heart to be a more discreet and godly woman. I want God to be proud of my representation of “The Family”.
I agree with you Deborah, we are representing our Father, in all our actions, words, dress, etc. Thank you for your reminder.
Yes, that is a great reminder! My parents used to always tell me, “Remember whose you are!”
I have learned by experience to listen to the Holy Spirit when He says, “don’t say it!!!” I have stuck my foot in my mouth so many times and once the words are out, there’s no taking them back..too late!! Trying to take it back leaves a very bitter taste in my mouth. And there are still times when I want to say something but I don’t, and later I just praise the Lord for making me keep my mouth shut, and it’s such a good feeling later because I really didn’t want to say that in the first place…does that make sense? We have an awesome Holy Spirit who leads us and convicts us and directs us, even if it’s something we don’t want to hear. I love Proverbs 19:11…that wisdom gives us the patience to overlook an offense (and not saying something in defense that you would be sorry for later). That’s true wisdom in a nutshell!!
Yes it is!
Timing and how I blurt out when someone says something out landish. Those 2 things about me seem to hurt others feelings. Now that I am aware I will pray for patience and wisdom from God to guide me in saying the right thing and for the perfect timing. I will practice all week on my new skills from God.
Praying that your week will be successful!
#3 How did the scriptures you studied from Proverbs about discretion and prudence speak to you? What practical insights did you gain from them to apply to your life and relationships with others?
A: I was reminded in this weeks learnings, that when I deal with people, to remember my tone of voice, not necessarily the words I am using, makes a remarkable difference on the other person, either positively or negatively. I care about how they feel, and want to get the communication understood, but I have to be softer and patient with others’ abilities. Tolerance, softness.
Glad God is showing you new insights!
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What do you find more difficult: listening to the Holy Spirit when He says, “Don’t say it; it’s wrong!” or listening when He says, “Don’t say it now; it’s not the right time”? Why? …….. I find it more difficult to listen when He says, “Don’t say it now; it’s not the right time.” The reason I find it more difficult is because sometimes I feel like I cannot wait or sometimes I feel that the right time may never come if I don’t say it now. Sometimes I think, I’ll just say now so I don’t have to say it later, whether it’s the right time or not.
Sometimes, if the “right time” never comes, maybe it’s not meant to be said.
That’s a great reminder Emily! Thanks for sharing that! Andrea Nelson
I’m not good at waiting. When I know that I know the answer, I have a lot of trouble holding back. I can remember, though, a couple of specific times where I listened to the Holy Spirit in a situation and held my tongue, and the Lord worked out the details. I guess I have to wonder why it’s so easy to forget that lesson in the moment. There’s always room for more growth.
So true, there is always room for growth!
Wow! Timing is definately my challenge! Several times I have felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to share something with my husband. Knowing the perfect timing is my downfall!!! Proverbs 13:16 and Colossians 4: 5-6 really spoke to me this week! Make the most of every opportunity, let your conversation be full of grace. If I would remember this, I would be more careful with my timing!
Yeah, I’m not sure which is harder – when He says, “Don’t say it now!” but you really want to, or when He says, “Say it now!” and you really DON’T want to!
I really stuggle with knowing when not to say something,or when to say something. Also the perfect time to say something. If it is a very important topic, I pray alot. This keeps me aware of the timing.
I need to pray for even the little matters in life. I am a go,go,go type person. That is the type that gets in trouble with their mouth. Gods timing is the one I strive for,which is perfect. The Lord spoke to me in this lesson ! be quick to listen and slow to speak . James 1:19
Great verse! So true!
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Difficulty in listening to the Holy Spirit- I often struggle with knowing what to say and when to say it. Often, I don’t know if it’s God prompting me to speak up / stay quiet, or if it’s me wanting to speak up / stay quite. I try to discern between His prompting or my own, but sometimes I’m not sure which voice is speaking. I have been praying that His Voice will not be drowned out by mine, the world’s, or even my comfort zone.
That’s definitely a great way to pray!
#3 The scriptures I studied from Proverbs about discretion and prudence spoke to me so I know how I need to act: I need to act out of knowledge and listen to God at all times. The practical insights I gained from the scriptures I studied spoke to me so I know that I need to think before I say or do anything.
Yes, be slow to speak and slow to anger. It’s a hard lesson, but I’ve never bit my tongue when I’ve wanted to say something nasty and regretted it later. I’ve always been glad I didn’t say it.
Discretion is definitely something I aspire to have & I am a work in progress. Sometimes holding one’s tongue is not an easy task especially in a relationship. I am learning triggers and that sometimes silence says a multitude. Someone once told me, “The emptiest people are those who are full of themselves!” I believe this to be true. I want my spirit to be filled with encouraging, positive thoughts and words, not negativity & hurtful gossip. I pray for discernment in my daily living and as I have aged it is becoming easier to bite my tongue and choose my words more carefully. Sometimes, I don’t respond to something because I say to myself, “Steph, consider the source!” Is it even worth it to respond. Will it change anything in a positive way?? If not, I let it go.
That’s a great quote – so true!!
I need to use more discretion in decision making. Sometimes I just act before I think and the wrong words or deeds come out and the end is not what I was looking to achieve. As in all things I am a work in progress and need GOD to guide me
We’re all works in progress. Bless you as you continue to grow in biblical beauty!
What do you find more difficult: listening to the Holy Spirit when He says, “Don’t say it; it’s wrong!” or listening when He says, “Don’t say it now; it’s not the right time”? Why? My most difficutl time would be when HE says it isn’t the right time. I hear him but before I can stop my mouth, I have already said it. But, I am getting better. I am praying for GOD to glue it shut and not voice my opinions, not say anything negative, and not talk about someone or something that person has done. I have already seen a difference in my mouth and so has my husband. Yeah! I will keep praying and HE will keep working.
What’s your pig? In what areas of your life do you need a good dose of discretion? I really need discretion with my son. I really love him and I have learned to pray for those words that I need with him. He is 19 and I know this age can be difficult. But, I pray and pray the LORD will continue to give me the guidance and words I need with him. Thank you LORD!
How did the scriptures you studied from Proverbs about discretion and prudence speak to you? What practical insights did you gain from them to apply to your life and relationships with others? (BBB – ques. 5, pg. 48; BBBT – ques. 5, pg. 47) I have learned that being discreet can keep you out of trouble, keep you calm when you want to get mad. I am working harder at being more discreet. I don’t want to be voicing my opinion any more on things that doesn’t matter to me. I want to be quiet, keep my opinions to myself, listen for the right opportunity to throw in a good word for GOD, and teach myself that it really doesn’t matter what someone else is complaining about. I can just throw in some scriptures and walk away from listening to anything negative. Work in me more and more JESUS!
Pray that God clues your mouth shut – I love that!
I mean glues. not clues!
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Timing is everything and I find I am not very good at it!! I respond too soon with the wrong attitude so I am working on slowing down, listening for his voice and then proceeding…this is tough!! but I am going to perservere, thank you!
Amen! With His help, we can all persevere!
I tend to self disclose too much, and keep on talking…and sometimes show lack of good sense, although I am making headway in both of these areas now that I am aware of them. I am making a conscious effort.
Prayers for you as you keep learning to exercise discernment!
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